Surprisingly, traffic to HUS didn’t dip at all while I was away. In fact, there were about 80,000 new visitors during the past two weeks. (I must go away more often! 😛 )

The daily email flow didn’t slow down either. I can’t possibly answer all the emails I get, but I knocked out several more than usual during the break. Most of the questions I got had to do with mixed messages – specifically, what course of action to take when one is getting conflicting signals from a romantic prospect.

Advertisement

Craigslist Dating Personals in Omaha

Craigslist Dating Personals in Knoxville

Craigslist Dating Personals in Akron

Craigslist Dating Personals in Milwaukee

Craigslist Dating Personals in Greenville

Craigslist Dating Personals in Raleigh

Craigslist Dating Personals in Syracuse

Craigslist Dating Personals in Indianapolis

A similar and related concept that I frequently share is “If you’re seeing someone and you have to wonder whether he or she likes you, the answer is not enough.”

I once had a guest post on Green Lights, and I think the traffic light metaphor works pretty well here too.

4 Key Indicators of Where a Relationship is Headed

#1: Congruence

Things make sense. They “fit.” The relationship feels easy, even at the beginning.

If there’s something puzzling about his or her behavior, and they’re not bothering to explain, it’s one of the following:

•         Ambivalence: It’s about their perception of compatibility, timing, or commitment.
•         Poor character: Emotional manipulation, lack of empathy.

These two often go hand in hand with Avoidant attachers. Either way, F*ck it, drive on. It’s a dead end.

#2: Consistency

He does what he says he is going to do when he said he is going to do it. And he keeps doing it, because he has his eyes on the horizon.

Her interest is apparent and doesn’t vary from date to date. She keeps enthusiastically welcoming opportunities to spend time together.

You’re suffering from emotional whiplash from all the sudden starts and stops.

•         She says yes to a date, but appears to have forgotten when you try to confirm.
•         He texts like crazy for two days and falls off the map for four.
•         She turns you down but then keeps flirting like crazy.
•         He acts boyfriendy one night when you’re alone and then acts like a single bro the next night at a party.

#3: Respect

He is considerate of your time and feelings. He wants to know what you think.

She appreciates your effort and meets you halfway.

He pressures you to get sexual, indifferent to whether you feel ready.

He keeps any emotional involvement a secret from his friends.

She tries to make you jealous.

She expects treats, gifts and expensive dates.

#4: Forward Movement

The relationship is moving forward, even if it’s not exactly at the pace you would prefer. Every date you spend together brings you closer. Progress may be slow, but you’re headed in the right direction. You feel secure in the growing emotional intimacy.

Things were so great a couple of weeks ago, but now they feel off. Something in his texts is different – the frequency or the tone.

She seemed so into you for the first few dates but you got the sense she was avoiding a kiss the other night.

An ex you’ve never heard of suddenly pops up as a presence in his/her life. Suddenly it feels as if things are at a standstill. That’s because they are, and are likely to move into reverse.

These guidelines are straightforward and simple. If you’re getting bad treatment, peace out. If something real is happening, stick around. Which brings us back to those mixed messages.

Go back up and read the red light examples. Pretty bad, right? But you’ll see they’re also technically mixed messages a lot of the time. Technically, one could focus on what was so great just a week and a half ago. Or that time when she threw her arms around your neck and kissed you, even though that was before her ex said he wanted her back and now she’s “confused.”

Mixed messages are bad messages crowding out good messages. So here’s the bottom line:

If you haven’t got a F*CK YES you’ve got nothing. Do not wait and see. Do not proceed with caution. When it comes to relationships, you’re always better off avoiding any road that isn’t a string of green lights. The cost of halfwaying it for weeks or months is high, both in terms of your time and your feelings.

There are plenty of roads where no one flips you off, passes on the right, honks with impatience or slams on the brakes. Keep searching for that route. The only sane response to mixed messages is exiting at the next off-ramp.

One caveat: Don’t just disappear. Stand up and say what’s on your mind, and give the other person an opportunity to respond. You may have misread the signs, but even if you haven’t, additional information is always useful. And you’ll feel better if you stand up for yourself about being on the receiving end of conflicting signals.