LANE CHANGING. IS IT REAL? WHY DO PEOPLE CHANGE LANES?
by Sam Thomas
Much has been written and touched on of late regarding the phenomenon of "lane changing". Essentially this is the phenomenon I described in my post on the "Just Treat Women as People" mating strategy.
"The opening gambit is a short term sexual strategy designed for rapid results and a longshot at commitment from a high value man. When it ultimately fails after an indefinite number of attempts, the tactic shifts to the long range goal of marriage to a "sure thing" beta. The strategy shift usually has nothing to do with the individual man, but on a number of other factors: (1) her perception of her interests, (2) her age, (3) her ability (or inability) to continue attracting high status men; and (4) the totality of all other surrounding circumstances."
Some argue there is no such thing as "lane changing". The argument is that people always "stay in their lanes". In other words, if a particular woman is an alpha chaser, always seeking the thrill of the next new hot guy, that's pretty much how she is and how she will always be, into adulthood and middle age. Similarly, girls who are relationship seekers, looking for that one special guy, are always like this, and they don't ever change either.
For example, it is argued that, oh, sure, a girl might dabble in alpha chasing for a year or two; but that doesn't mean she's "unrestricted". Or, a girl is having a lot of sex with different men, but she's doing it because she's just "looking for love in all the wrong places". She doesn't mean to be a slut; she's doing this because she really just wants a relationship. And when that alpha dabbler gets into a relationship, that doesn't mean she "changed lanes". She was always a "restricted" type who got the relationship she wanted.
The Argument Against Lane Changing
Morpheus laid out the argument (which I've edited for clarity and brevity): "I think it was (frequent J4G commenter and guest author) Jimmy Hendricks who coined the description of "lane changers". I actually think it is a more nuanced, accurate, description in the shift of female mating behavior then the more oversimplified Alpha Fucks, Beta Bucks description. But there was a long drawn out debate elsewhere about whether women "change lanes". Some steadfastly denied the lane changing behavior. Their ignorant position was that women don't change lanes. Women who prefer and marry the betas always dated the betas of the world, and alpha chasers always chase alphas even as they cross 30, 35, 40. 45, etc."
Closely tied into this is the concept of Validation Sex and its counterpart, Transactional Sex. Frequent J4G commenter Bastiat Blogger has explained Validation Sex and Transactional Sex at great length at J4G on many occasions. Bastiat has explained Validation and Transactional Sex from the standpoint of men. To help understand the lane-changing phenomenon better, let's examine the concepts from the female standpoint.
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Validation Sex And The Costs Of Rapid Sexual Access
Validation Sex is characterized by the woman's rapid grant of sexual access to a man she deems attractive. She has sex quickly due to her attraction to the man and in the hope of receiving some benefit. She might have many reasons for doing so: Seeking alpha seed. Bragging rights, competition with other women. Elevation of her status relative to other women. A demonstration of her ability to attract the attention of an attractive man. A demonstration of her independence; "empowerment". Seeking commitment from an attractive man.
In Validation Sex, the woman receives only a small amount of time and resources in return for her grant of sexual access. Rarely, the gamble pays off, the woman hits the jackpot, and she is able to secure commitment from the man. But by far the primary and most important benefit she receives is instant affirmation and validation of her sexual value. She concludes she is a high value woman because an attractive man wanted her for sex --- one of the most valuable and sought-after assets she can offer. (Affirmation and Validation is absolutely crucial, because this is the initial payoff which encourages women to employ this strategy.) But Validation Sex rarely results in commitment.
For men, Validation Sex is low cost, low risk, high reward. But it's very, very different for women. For a woman, the costs and risks of Validation Sex are very high. In the sexual and marriage marketplaces, her most valuable asset is access to her body -- sexual access. If she wants to engage in Validation Sex, she will probably have to barter away sex frequently to men who will pay next to nothing for it. She will have to do so repeatedly, all in an effort to find the one alpha who will offer her commitment. Most of the time, she fails in this effort. High risks, high costs.
Transactional Sex And The Benefits Of Commitment Security
In Transactional Sex, the woman preconditions sexual access upon her receipt of some tangible benefit either preceding sex or concomitantly with sex. There is also escalation involved -- more sexual access requires greater resource outlay and/or investment from the man. (The man, if he is savvy enough, also plays the game -- he may withhold time and resources if further sexual access is not given.) Transactional Sex can occur in the span of a few hours or a few years. The passage of time is secondary to the concept of the roughly equivalent sex/ investment exchanges.
In Transactional Sex, the woman receives benefits in return for the grant of sexual access. The man and woman both benefit, though. He receives steady sex. She receives increasing amounts of commitment. The benefits she receives are more tangible and durable; but with much less immediate gratification.
The costs and risks of Transactional Sex for the woman are still high, but not as high as in Validation Sex. The most significant cost is opportunity cost. Engaging in Transactional Sex as a young woman will likely bring her a man who will commit to her. But in that event, she will have to give up the opportunity for affirmation and validation of her sexual value. She will have to forgo "having fun" and having sex with a number of men who are objectively more attractive than the man offering commitment now. She will have to forgo the longshot chance at locking down one of those more attractive men. She will also have to forgo some "life experiences" including traveling and living a hedonistic "party girl" lifestyle in her youth.
As for risk. she will bear the risk of selecting a low value man. There is the risk that the man she selects early on will never increase in value. But, with some education and discernment, she can manage and minimize these risks.
In both cases, the woman leverages her youth and beauty to obtain either (1) affirmation from very attractive men, and hedonistic fun (Validation Sex) or (2) commitment and security (Transactional Sex).
Lane Changing does happen for two main reasons: (1) because women have been specifically empowered and permitted to pursue that strategy; and, more importantly, (2) because women almost always fail in their attempts to use Validation Sex to extract commitment from a high status man.
When she fails, and after she has paid heavy costs in the form of sexual access to a series of attractive men, she "changes lanes" to pursue a less attractive man for whom the costs won't be so high, and so that value lost can be recouped, however small the recoupment might be. In this way, she is able to have her cake and eat it too. She can get affirmation and fun from very attractive men until she can't get that anymore; and then and ONLY then, she can cash them all in for virtually guaranteed commitment and security.
The Sexual Casino: Why Women Always Change Lanes
Alpha Fux is a fun, thrilling, drama-charged, high-stakes gamble. Pretty much every woman can try her hand at Alpha Fux, and quite a few do, even if it's for a short time. But, the female "players" almost always lose. She's willing to have sex with the attractive man in exchange for a longshot at commitment.
A woman who plays AF can win, but it is extremely rare. In popular media, television shows, songs and movies, women are constantly depicted as beating the odds and winning at AF (A prime example is Julia Roberts' prostitute winning Richard Gere's alpha billionaire with a heart of gold in "Pretty Woman". The book (and soon to be feature film) "Fifty Shades of Grey". This dynamic -- the average, low status, or "loser" woman who "wins" playing AF -- is the key reason the film and the book were smash successes.). The message is the same:
"You're an average woman. There's nothing special about you. But if you give those beautiful men your body, there's at least a chance that one of those beautiful men will ride in on his trusty white steed, sweep you off your feet, and take you to his mansion in the sky. Because after all, low status women --- if it happened for HER, it can happen for YOU TOO." Roll credits....
Admittedly, it is true that occasionally a lucky woman or two actually wins at this game, and snags commitment from the very high status, very sexually desirable man. But for most, the gamble fails, and she ends up paying away ever increasing amounts of her youth, innocence, beauty, and cheery personality. Very high risk, very low odds of payout.
Ladies, chances are that you won't be one of the very, very few women who wins at Alpha Fux.
So, when she fails at AF, she "changes lanes", and plays Beta Bucks.
Beta Bucks is not nearly as much fun, but it's a lower risk, slower game. Most every woman wins something at this game. The game is always there. Someone's always playing at Beta Bucks, and what's more, there are always men willing to play that game. She always makes sure she has just enough assets (youth, looks) left over to play Beta Bucks after she loses at AF. Everyone she knows went to play Beta Bucks after trying (and losing at) AF. And everyone she knows who played Beta Bucks got to take home a consolation prize, and got some more of her "chips" back. So she didn't get all her assets back, but the House paid her a little something at Beta Bucks.
Women Change Lanes because they can. Our entire society has been completely reordered to allow, encourage, and incentivize women to Change Lanes. Whatever she loses when playing AF, she can recoup at least some of it playing Beta Bucks. At female demand, society has been set up to minimize and downplay AF's risks, and to maximize the affirmation/validation for the girls who play AF. Society also specifically optimizes what she recoups when she Changes Lanes to Beta Bucks; and makes sure she keeps what she recovers.
The idea that no one ever changes mating strategies just doesn't hold water. This is clear from simple observation. When given the choice, many women will pursue the most attractive men they can; and will do what it takes for a chance to keep one of them. In today's society, that price is rapid sex. And a growing number of women are willing to pay that price. Why? Because they know that the risks are high but have been managed and minimized as much as possible. Because they know there's a (slim) chance they could "win". Because they know they can always Change Lanes, play Beta Bucks later, and recoup some of their losses. Because they know that if the cost (low validation, repeated failure) ever exceeds their comfort level, they can always Change Lanes and play Beta Bucks. Because they know that when their assets (youth, beauty) become too devalued or depleted to play Alpha Fux, they can always Change Lanes and play Beta Bucks.
Of course there are women who play AF forever, staying at the AF table their entire lives. These are the cougars, the StrongIndependent Career Women, the lawyerc*nts that Roissy so fondly writes about.
There are women who only play Beta Bucks, and get the best prize they can early on from among the Beta Bucks players. These are the devout Christian women; and women who marry in their early 20s and stay married for life.
But remember -- the argument is that women never, ever alter their strategies; never, ever Change Lanes. The argument is that no woman ever quits playing AF because she couldn't afford it anymore and she failed at it. The argument is that no woman ever takes up Beta Bucks after a prior failed strategy because Beta Bucks' risks and costs are lower, and a payout is virtually guaranteed. The argument is that this never happens, ever, in the entire history of this sexual marketplace. That's bogus. Every person posting and commenting here knows that it has happened, and can recite from personal recollection an instance of a woman playing -- and losing -- at AF, and deciding to cash out and play Beta Bucks.
The notion that all these women were "restricted" all along and never really belonged at the AF table to begin with is demonstrably false. It is tantamount to an assertion that changes in female sexual or mating strategies are nonexistent, and that's bunk, pure and simple.
Don't believe it when you're told that a woman never Changes Lanes. Lane Changers are all around us, pursuing their sexual and mating strategies even as you are pursuing yours.
